One of the closest relationship in any family is a mother-daughter relationship. It’s bitter-sweet relationship, having many successes and failures during it’s development and it can definitely be compared to driving on a roller-coaster.
Almost every girl from the age of 5 sees her mother as an idol. She likes to dress in her clothes, to use her lipstick or perfume or to imitate her movements. At a young age girls learn that the best place to find love and support is from their mother. But that relationship begins to change in the teen years when most girls don’t want to be close to their mothers, and they start to think that every problem can be solved alone or with friends.
When you pass this turbulent period, things are getting back to normal and the mother-daughter relationship becomes stronger than ever. It’s a really crazy drive and if you’ve passed it, you know that the mother-daughter relationship is dynamic, exciting and special.
There are different types of mother-daughter relationships. Some mothers are their daughters’ best friend, but some want to be primarily a mother, so they avoid the extremely close friendship.
Types of mother-daughter relationships
Mother-daughter relationship – Best friend
If you two talk openly about everything, including love, sex, going out and you’re always talking on the phone, then you are in a ‘best friend’ relationship.
The good side:
Mothers: Your daughter can easily talk to you if you’re a ‘cool’ mother and she’ll want to share hr problems with you, also to ask you questions related to more delicate topics like smoking, alcohol, sex or drugs.
Daughters: Your mother is ‘cool’ and most of your friends will envy you, but the best part is you’ll get a best friend who’ll never stab you in the back.
The bad side:
Mothers: Sometimes your daughter needs a strict motherly advice, not a good friend. If you always act as a good friend, you won’t be able to be more strict with her and to create boundaries.
Daughters: Sometimes you’ll think that too ‘cool’ mother isn’t enough, and you want to have a mother who will take care of you and watch over you so you won’t make the same mistakes again.
Mother-daughter relationship – ‘Real mom’
If you two talk only about everyday things, have discipline and respect for one another and at a times the mom’s care is exaggerated, then you have a ‘real mom’ relationship.
The good side:
Mothers: We know that every mother wants only the best for their children. You want your dearest to build a strong character, to learn to make the right decisions, to be able to cope with her problems and to learn how to survive in today’s world and achieve success. That’s why you’ll always support and be proud of your daughter. One day when she creates a successful and happy life, she’ll be really grateful for your support.
Daughters: If your mom is serious and cares about your education and the important things in life, when you have hard times in your life you’ll always have your mom to support you and help you through the hard times.
The bad side:
Mothers: Sometimes you as a mom can exaggerate with your maternal care. If you set yourself only as a parent without any kind of friendship with your daughter, then it’ll probably be uncomfortable for your daughter to talk with you for more intimate problems, because she’ll be afraid that you’ll criticize her instead of listening to her.
Daughters: Excessive strictness and maternal care can probably make you as a daughter to rebel against your mother’s rules.
6 Ways to improve your mother-daughter relationship
The mother should fit into more roles, from nurser to teacher, but somewhere in the middle is the role of a true friend. It’s really a challenge for every woman to find a balance and at the same time to be a good mother and good friend. Here 6 ways to improve your mother-daughter relationship:
Don’t avoid taboo topics. Mothers should speak openly with their daughters on every type of topic like sex, love, drugs etc. Usually these talks tend to be avoided, because many mothers don’t know how to start to talk with their children on these topics. Mothers shouldn’t support their daughter’s ‘craziness’, but they should educate them on these topics.
Don’t criticize. If you start criticizing, your daughter won’t come back to you for advice when she has a problem. Listen to her and give her advice, suggesting the best way to solve the problem.
Observe each others interests. Be curious what kind of music she listens to, who are her favorite authors and movies. Gathering more information about the interests of your daughter (or mother), you can easily get closer to her and you’ll have more things to talk about.
Be prepared for her friends. When you know that your daughter will have guests, don’t allow yourself to look messy. If you are casual but nicely dressed and you have arranged hair, your daughter will be proud that you’re her mother. Be a ‘cool’ mom and sometimes go to talk with her company, but only if she doesn’t mind. Show your sense of humor and throw a couple of tips before you leave.
Once a week have a ‘together’ day. Choose one day of the week in which you’ll do something together. You can go to the movies, go for a coffee, pizza or small shopping.
Set boundaries. No mater how much you want to be your daughter’s best friend, you should keep in mind that you are her mother. That means that you need to set clear boundaries. If you set yourself as a friend you won’t be able to be strict with her when it’s necessary, because you’ll want to avoid a fight. Set yourself as a friend but leave a little room for discipline.
